“If you saw her in these moments, you might think she was collecting her thoughts in order to go forward. But I see it another way: Her mind is being overwhelmed by two processes that must simultaneously proceed at full steam. One is to deal with and live in the present world. The other is to re-experience and mourn something that happened long ago. It is as though her lightness pulls her toward heaven, but the extra gravity around her keeps her earthbound.”—Steve Martin, The Pleasure Of My Company (via seabois)
It’s crazy how your world can fall from the heighest heights to the deepest pits.
But through this journey, even though it is downhill and feels everlasting, we can still learn. Who our true friends are. Where our heart lays. Our darkest nightmares. Our limits.
Everybody has their limits and, alike other human beings, I have mine. Tested by those closest to me, I often flail and retort in the worst ways bringing out the most horrible of demons. I fight. Like an attack dog with a bone. I lose control of my ability to speak and hit the closest thing to me. Mostly myself.
Today, my words flourished, like a flower in spring. I knew my place and I guarded patiently, my point. With dignity, not anger. My buttons were being pressed, but no explosion occured.
I have finally learnt, after falling so often and so rapidly without control, how to turn off the gravity which seems to be so against me and fly.
So to you all. Take out your wings and fly. Because life is too short to make the same mistakes over and over again. And however long it takes, you will be able to take control. There is always a way.
Footsteps a size too small to fill to perfection. As I walk behind my sister trying to follow in her footsteps precisely, the fact that my footsteps are too big to fit hers seems to double as a metaphor. For the fact that i cant measure myself up against my sister… Or anyone for that matter. Each footstep imprinted in the sand is different just like the person making it. And the whole world should understand that this is how it was always meant to be. Be surficed in the understanding that its fine to be different or similar. The most important thing is to be happy with who you are yourself.
The first three weeks of my sixth form life at Richard Hale seemed to be perfect.. I had old friends, new friends and 4 subjects I was loving. This, however, was short lived.. I should have known that one day I would stop being invited to the parties, but for some reason I thought that a party most weekends with people I love being around would last forever. I reflect on that blissful memory in despair.
When I first started year 12 I thought I would be different; that my awkward, virgin, weirdo, unconfident loser of a personality would disappear and I would become one of the cool people [cliche I know but thats how I felt]. This is not what happened.
Recently, about a month ago, my ‘friends’ mum told me to talk to my ‘friend’ about getting a job at Abercrombie and Fitch because she had recently been promoted to head hunter. It seemed all a little odd when Anne, the mother, texted my mum and said that I couldn’t get the job because I was already in the system.. BULLSHIT I thought, which it manifested to be. A little time passed and I ended up going for the interview and my thoughts after were ‘I nailed it!’ and so I texted Katherine and said that I had done the interview and I think it went quite well, to which she replied I will let you know if you got it. Three weeks passed and no contact was made to me by either A&F or by Katherine. I texted Katherine and asked her if I had failed to get the position for closure to which no response was issued at all. The worst thing was that I had finally thought that I was no longer awkward or a weirdo and I finally gained an ounce of confidence but this was all to no avail since I didn’t get the job and lost a person who I thought could have become a good friend. Now I am back where I started.. Just with less friends and two failed theory tests under my belt.